Suddenly, I feel like that once naïve 18-yers-old boy again. I am holding the motto of living in real for so long and so hard and now I am falling into a fantasy. My head is struggling but my heart is going away. I am lost and scared. Once again, a big title jumps in front of me: following your heart.
Ok, it is not a movie or some kind of novel where we know that we are going to cry for the happy ending. We are living in a life where things are not working as they are in fairytales. We can't just have a head fever of heart following and lost in the wonderland. Alice had a pair of magic shoes to take her home. She was lucky that a good witch gave them to her but we will have to make our own with every single piece of our heart and swallow the pain seeing those fragile pieces gone with the wind without konwing when we are going to collect them altogether again.
So there is no wonderland for us. Again we live in real and a realistic head is what keeps us safe. Then why is there no such expression as: follow your head. I think it may because when your heart is really beating fast, it sucks the blood all over the body and manages to take over your mind. You still have a choice. However, how many of us can really kill it at the moment before we lose our mind; how many of us can stop wondering if this is the right time, this is truly real, and we are going to end happily? Should we take the risk?
Or maybe we can follow neither. Some of us will say: just enjoy the moment and see how it goes, take it easy. I do believe for me sometime,'take it easy' is something easier said than done. If it makes your heart flying away, it is not something you can just take it easy any more. Heart follower then will argue that if you don't gather the courage, you won't get anything. If you don't try you don't win. I guess so. But if all your past experience tells you that every time your heart has been beating like this the next thing you know is looking for the broken pieces, will the conclusion be the same?
Now, it is just like an illusion for me, like a fountain in a desert, that I don't know if I am cheating myself. My heart is still beating and my head is still struggling. If this makes me a head follower, I don't know how long I can hold the place. Maybe I should write my motto on my face.
Ok, it is not a movie or some kind of novel where we know that we are going to cry for the happy ending. We are living in a life where things are not working as they are in fairytales. We can't just have a head fever of heart following and lost in the wonderland. Alice had a pair of magic shoes to take her home. She was lucky that a good witch gave them to her but we will have to make our own with every single piece of our heart and swallow the pain seeing those fragile pieces gone with the wind without konwing when we are going to collect them altogether again.
So there is no wonderland for us. Again we live in real and a realistic head is what keeps us safe. Then why is there no such expression as: follow your head. I think it may because when your heart is really beating fast, it sucks the blood all over the body and manages to take over your mind. You still have a choice. However, how many of us can really kill it at the moment before we lose our mind; how many of us can stop wondering if this is the right time, this is truly real, and we are going to end happily? Should we take the risk?
Or maybe we can follow neither. Some of us will say: just enjoy the moment and see how it goes, take it easy. I do believe for me sometime,'take it easy' is something easier said than done. If it makes your heart flying away, it is not something you can just take it easy any more. Heart follower then will argue that if you don't gather the courage, you won't get anything. If you don't try you don't win. I guess so. But if all your past experience tells you that every time your heart has been beating like this the next thing you know is looking for the broken pieces, will the conclusion be the same?
Now, it is just like an illusion for me, like a fountain in a desert, that I don't know if I am cheating myself. My heart is still beating and my head is still struggling. If this makes me a head follower, I don't know how long I can hold the place. Maybe I should write my motto on my face.
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