Smoking

I am a smoker. But I think I am still a good boy because I started smoke after my 18. The first time I tested this little smoking tip was the time when my heart was first broken. The problem was simple. I fall in love with one of my best straight mates. He found out and cut me out of his life. I was devastated back to that time. But now I think it is kind of funny. What an unprofessional gay that made me, to fell in love with a straight guy.

Now, that was no more than some dusted memory that makes me laugh sometimes but smoking is something left over by it, which I can't get rid of. I am not a strong smoker but I smoke. Unlike alcohol or drugs that make people high, cigarette is a dose of calmness to make me cool down and think better. Well, I think a lot. Actually, as a research student, I think that is all I do. But surprisingly, gym makes me smoke less though it won't take the cigarette out of my life. I am addictive to it. Well, smokers are barely immune to its addiction though one of my friend is, which I still find it very hard to believe.

This addiction to me is the addiction of calm and peaceful moments. We do have moments of these without smoking but I need more. I hope that does not make me greedy. I am emotional, judgmental and I have my baggage (wow it is a big one with a very dull robot). Thus before I have the moment to erase all my emotions off with a huge hang over, I need to cool down. I don't force the feelings (at least I am trying my best). I know what harm it will do if we just press all the feelings deep in our mind (I will tell you the story of my grandma one day…). Smoking helps me to get rid of the emotions softly.

However, another drawback of smoking is I can't eat fried chicken anymore. I do like fried chicken a lot. But after I saw a report said the harm done by eating a fried chicken leg is equivalent to smoke 60 cigarettes I decided to save most of my health to smoke. I might quit one day and have a big reunion with fired-chicken eaters. However, that will need a much stronger reason than my health.

By the way, below is a picture I found very interesting on the web today.