Finally, I decided to let it go. I thought I would insist but I foresaw a broken heart. At last, I couldn't pursue any more and I decided to pull out before I was hurt. I let it go.
I genuinely thought I had a shot over there and we would just work like a click of fingers. I thought he liked me. I knew he did. I liked him. I never doubted it. But I never expected that the feeling became so strong and my rationality couldn't control it any more.
So one day, I told him.
He said he couldn't go into a relationship. He said that he was through a difficult time and relationship was the last thing he could put his mind on. He said he liked me. He said if he started a relationship, he would hurt someone. He said it was him not me. He said let's see how it went. He was laying there right besides me.
I felt rejected and it tasted bitterly. Things had been tough on him, I knew. I wanted to help but he wouldn't open up. I turned around and looked at him. I was trying to make out of list of why I liked him but I couldn't. Right there, I knew he was what I wanted. I left in the morning. He said it was so nice to see me. I went back home and had some sleep.
I genuinely thought I had a shot over there and we would just work like a click of fingers. I thought he liked me. I knew he did. I liked him. I never doubted it. But I never expected that the feeling became so strong and my rationality couldn't control it any more.
So one day, I told him.
He said he couldn't go into a relationship. He said that he was through a difficult time and relationship was the last thing he could put his mind on. He said he liked me. He said if he started a relationship, he would hurt someone. He said it was him not me. He said let's see how it went. He was laying there right besides me.
I felt rejected and it tasted bitterly. Things had been tough on him, I knew. I wanted to help but he wouldn't open up. I turned around and looked at him. I was trying to make out of list of why I liked him but I couldn't. Right there, I knew he was what I wanted. I left in the morning. He said it was so nice to see me. I went back home and had some sleep.
I thought if I try harder, it might eventually work. So I tried. He was difficult to get in touch. However I tried I barely succeeded. He liked me, I believed that, yet distant he still was. My friends told me that I should just take the signal and took it like a man. I was about to. However, every time I was about to be the man, he rang me up. His voice never fialed to remind me how sweet he was. He liked to talk cold cars and IBM PCs that I barely understood but I just enjoyed it. My imagination then told me that I still stood a chance. I couldn't possibly let it go just like that. Not yet.
We had a long list of Gmail conversation. It had been running for over a year, although the recent mails only went from me to him but few went back. It was the 100th mail. I wanted to write something brilliant. But little could I put down. Besides all the nonsense, I only wrote: I miss you. Nothing came back and that was the last of our Gmail list. My friend said I should delete the email list. I couldn't do it.
We had a long list of Gmail conversation. It had been running for over a year, although the recent mails only went from me to him but few went back. It was the 100th mail. I wanted to write something brilliant. But little could I put down. Besides all the nonsense, I only wrote: I miss you. Nothing came back and that was the last of our Gmail list. My friend said I should delete the email list. I couldn't do it.
For seven days, he had totally disappeared. I checked my phone every five minutes and the screen remained dead and black. My imagination had been making up stories that scared me. I finally noticed that I needed an answer. Although it appeared to be obvious, I needed to hear it from him. I left a message on his phone without any hope. He phoned back. The talk was as joyful as usual. He didn't give any excuse for his absence. Let's just don't argue it, said he. I didn't.
Two days later, I met him again. We had a lovely evening like always. We had some lovely drink, went to see a dull film, and had a nice KFC meal. That night, I asked him again. I was seeking the answer.
He couldn't go into a relationship, said he. He was through a difficult time and relationship was the last thing he could put his mind on, said he. He liked me, said he. If he started a relationship he would hurt someone, said he. It was him not me, said he. He was laying there right besides me.
This time, I knew there was nothing I could do to change it. I still believed that he liked me. But, as my friends said, it was more like an appreciation for accompany rather than a heart beat. That heart beat wouldn't be me, no matter how long I insisted. I was arguing with my friends but at that moment, I knew it was true. I felt rather relieved, in a strange way. I wasn't hurt but I knew I would be if I didn't stop by then. It was another sleepless night.
Two days later, I met him again. We had a lovely evening like always. We had some lovely drink, went to see a dull film, and had a nice KFC meal. That night, I asked him again. I was seeking the answer.
He couldn't go into a relationship, said he. He was through a difficult time and relationship was the last thing he could put his mind on, said he. He liked me, said he. If he started a relationship he would hurt someone, said he. It was him not me, said he. He was laying there right besides me.
This time, I knew there was nothing I could do to change it. I still believed that he liked me. But, as my friends said, it was more like an appreciation for accompany rather than a heart beat. That heart beat wouldn't be me, no matter how long I insisted. I was arguing with my friends but at that moment, I knew it was true. I felt rather relieved, in a strange way. I wasn't hurt but I knew I would be if I didn't stop by then. It was another sleepless night.
In the morning, I kissed him on the cheek, I had touch on his cute belly, I walked him to work and I left. I walked to the Hyde Park. The view was lovely. Walking among the beautiful greens with rays of golden sun shine in the air, I was calm and happy.
I thought he liked me. I knew he did. I liked him. I never doubted it. But finally, I decided to let it go. I thought I would insist but I foresaw a broken heart. At last, I couldn't pursue any more and I decided to pull out before I was hurt. I let it go, willingly.
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